What’s Your Financial Love Language?

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Financial issues are one of the greatest causes of disagreements in relationships. Just to show how important money is to couples, a study was recently done in the UK to show the statistical relationship between money and relationship/marriage sustainability. 2000 couples were interrogated and the research uncovered:

  • One out of every five marital strife are money related
  • One out of three couples found financial pressures the biggest challenge to their marriage.
  • One out of every five couples said their arguments were based on money issues.
  • One out of five blamed their partner for their money problems accusing them of having poor money management skills.
  • Two out of every five couples separated or divorced because of money problems.

Clearly, proper money management is crucial for the survival of any marriage/relationship. Gary Chapman in the year 2004, introduced the idea of financial love languages. In this article, we will discuss, ‘what are love languages’ and help you identify your language is and how you can establish a solid financial value system.

What are the Types of Financial Love Languages

The First Love Language

‘Saving‘ is the first financial love language. Most partners embrace this language to protect their family from emergencies for financial security but for others it’s an act of control or fear. For some they save because of their experience with some form of financial trauma as for others they may have been in a situation where money was used to control them in the past and, they wouldn’t want to be in that situation again.

One of the best ways to communicate with a saver is by finding out what their savings targets are. Talk about what a reasonable savings balance for your family is by applying the 50 – 30 -20 rule, so that they don’t over save at the expense of meeting your basic needs.

The Second Love Language

Giving is the second love language. To most people, partners who are givers are the best, up until it starts eating into your finances. Everyone loves gifts but what is the limit? Is there a thing like too much giving? Most people gift their partners or the people close to their partners to be liked or to get some emotional connection. Their intentions may be pure and they may get the results they want but excess giving can leave dent in you bank account.

This can be the beginning of major strife between two partners. If your partner is an over-giver edify their giving behavior. Most givers just want to be appreciated, so start appreciating non-monetary gifts/actions they give/do.

Start appreciating other things about them other than the gifts they give. This will redefine their love language. We are not trying to say you shouldn’t gift your partner, we are simply trying to tell you to be wise about it. Only gift what you can afford and occasionally.

The Third Love Language

Investing is the third financial language. This partner loves taking risks and enjoys watching their finances grow. They will invest in the stock market, different business opportunities, other people, retirement and education. The best way to communicate with such a partner is to discuss about investment opportunities and the relative returns on each.

To also ensure they are making the right decisions, create a proper investment plan where your finances are secure. Let them understand that they can’t risk it all, help them create measures that guide each and every move. Taking investments risks can be financially beneficial and can also easily squander off all your money.

The Fourth Love Language

Spending is the fourth love language. This behavior is directly related to the ‘Pleasure Principle’. Spenders derive their ultimate pleasure from spending money whether its on themselves or others. Most of the time he money is spent on buying stuff they may not necessarily need. Spenders can be rebellious when they get deprived of finances to waste away.

In extreme cases, spenders will hide credit cards from their spouses, will have private accounts and their credit will be maxed out. It’s important to determine whether you or your spouse is a spender. This is because the simple practice of buying a few things can generate into a cray behaviour of buying everything.

Finally, the fourth financial love language is Spending. Spending deals directly with the “Pleasure Principle.” Whether the spending is for someone else or themselves, Spenders find ultimate pleasure in spending money, usually on “stuff”. True spenders can be rebellious when they feel deprived.

Sometimes these spenders will even go to the extent of having private bank accounts, credit cards which they my have maxed out on. If your partner’s love language is spending and you they are overdoing it you need to step up and help them.

Start by helping them understand their limits; what they can afford, what are necessities and what items are not. Applaud any effort they make towards improving their behavior and support them through it. if that doesn’t work seek expert help before it’s too late. The best way to communicate with a spender is to talk about how much they can spend.

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